Changes for the greater good.

So Bobby and I have been doing a lot of talking, and things just aren't working out for us here on the Coast. We have given it a good run, pushing through the obstacles, but nothing seems to be giving. He gets a good job only to be given the run around on when things are going to happen.

Well, we've run out of time. We can't do it anymore.

Bobby went to bed this past Wed. night praying to God, asking Him to lead him through his dreams. That night he had a dream about being back on the water route. The last time he had this dream we were in Birmingham, AL, and he ended up getting a job at Crystal Springs Water. So he got up Thursday, went out an applied for a few more jobs, one tried to scam him, and he was ready to give up. I got home from work and he we talked about him calling his old boss at Crystal. Both of us doubtful that there would be anything open, he gave him a ring and left him a voicemail. Not 10 mins. later the phone was ringing. It was David, Bobby's old GM at Crystal. He said that not only did they have a route open, they had his old route open! Wow! David told him he had to talk to the owner and give him a call back. So he called back Friday morning telling him that Mr. Josey said he wanted to meet with him. Bobby asked if Tuesday would be OK, David spoke to Mr. Josey about it, called back and said that was fine. Wow! Talk about FAST! So we are heading up to Birmingham, AL Monday afternoon after my doctors appointment. They will be discussing the job, pay, etc.

You know, as badly as I wanted to be back down here I never thought I'd say this, but I'm happy that this is happening. The way things are down here, I'm just terrified to bring a child into our lives. With this stable job opportunity knocking on the door, I'm feeling a lot better about the idea of a baby. Not only will we be able to stay afloat, we will have awesome medical and dental coverage again. Lately we've both been kicking ourselves for leaving all of this behind to begin with. We left it all for something we had no idea how it was going to go. Boy was that a HUGE mistake! But at least we know now. At least we can say that we honestly tried. It's just not the place we need to be right now. There aren't any good paying jobs, there aren't any doctors that have room for new patients, and the health care system in general is just nothing like it used to be...nothing here is like it used to be. I've been trying for 3 months to get a general family doctor. Every one I've called has a six month wait, or they aren't taking on new patients due to being overwhelmed already. It's scary. I can't bring a child into the picture and not be able to find a pediatrician for him/her!! What if he/she needs a specialist? And what about mommy and daddy, what are we supposed to do with no medical care?

I love my home, I love being on the beach, but the beauty around us isn't going to pay our bills. Nor will it provide the life that we both crave for our baby. We don't want our baby raised on wic, or medicaid. Not if we can prevent it, not if we can have amazing blue cross/blue shield coverage. Why should our baby have to settle because we want to live by the beach?

Living by the beach is another thing. Our baby will be coming 2 months before hurricane season starts. So if another hurricane like Katrina comes and wipes the Coast out, and we have a new baby, it'll be that much harder to start over. Why would I want to put my child through that? Why not just go ahead and start over now, and be half way to stable by the time the child comes, ya know? Why not realize that the grass isn't greener, home isn't what it used to be and that we had it freaking good in Birmingham, whether we want to admit it or not. It wasn't perfect, but what is? Our complaints about Birmingham were petty compared to what it's like here. Besides, Biloxi is 6 hours (tops) from Birmingham, we can visit whenever we want.

It's not about us anymore, it's not about what makes us happy! It's about what's best for this child, and his/her future, and there is no future here for this baby. I just wish we had known this before moving back, it would have saved us a lot of time, heartache and money. But as Bobby and I have already discussed, God wanted us to come back. He wanted to show us that the grass isn't always greener. He wanted us to have that closure, and give us a beautiful gift in the process. Now that we have our gift and the closure that we need, it's time to move forward and get settled.

I'm in constant prayer that this is the right decision, that if/when we make this move that it'll be our last. I'm so sick of moving, of instability, of so much change, but this will be for the greater good. We will stay with my mom and her husband, who have been unselfish enough to open their home to us.

I must say, my mom has been being super supportive through all of this, and offering everything she can to help us out. It's quite the change, and I love it. It's nice to know that I have someone who cares so much for us. So much they are willing to do whatever it takes to make sure we get back on our feet, and can provide everything possible for this child I'm carrying. She may drive me crazy while we're there, but at least we have her. At least I still have my mom to support me, even if it isn't exactly the way it should be. I know that sounds confusing, but my mom has her own way of thinking and doing things. It's not always the way one would expect it to be, but she does love and care for us deeply. That's a lot more than others have, and I'm grateful for that.

God willing this is what it takes, and we'll be able to provide the life that this baby deserves. God has granted us a miracle in this child that we were never supposed to have, I know He will help us provide. I just have to keep the faith, and trust in Him.